Book Excerpt

Hello Followers,

I would like to share with you a project that I am currently working on. I hope to have it done by the end of the year and ready for bookstores before my next birthday. It is untitle as of yet; I've been spending most night working on it so pray with me and for me...I'm halfway done. Enjoy

Now this quilt was made with love. Every time you feel like the  world’s a hard place and people keep taking from you, you take this quilt and wrap it tight ‘roun about ya and let its power wash over and cover you...

            Nadine smiled to herself as she pulled the quilt tighter around her shoulders. It was her security blanket. When her grandmother died it absorbed her tears. It was there to comfort her after every breakup and broken heart. It soothed her temper on those occasions when nothing else seemed to calm her down. She couldn’t explain it, but Nadine felt that the quilt really did have something woven deep within its fibers. Now she found herself once again calling upon the power her Granny promised. She examined her prized possession as she fought the swell of emotions from today’s incident. She felt drained from it. Trying to forget, Nadine focused on the patchwork. Many of the patches were still vibrant and full of texture even though the quilt was almost twenty years old.

            When Nadine was a child, she’d sit with her grandmother asking questions about the quilt, listening to her Granny lovingly explain each patch: lace from her own wedding dress, a piece of the uniform from her uncle who died in the Vietnam War; a dress worn by Nadine’s mother on her first day of high school, and so many more. She pulled the quilt tighter as she looked out of the bay window of her home, noticing that the overcast clouds had finally made good on their promise of rain. Nadine loved rainy days and thunder storms. Snuggling in the oversized arm chair, she closed her eyes, listening to the steady beat of the rain hitting the window, and sighed deeply. Finally her muscles felt like they were beginning to relax and she felt the tension slowly easing away until the phone rang. Nadine jumped, caught off guard by the intruding sound.

            Annoyed, she snatched up the receiver, “Hello..?”

            “Are you pregnant or something?” It was Nadine’s best friend Tara. They had been friends for only a year but it felt like a lifetime. Tara was supermodel pretty at 5’10” and size 2 even though she ate like a madman. When Nadine first met her, she wondered if she was a bulimic but realized that she had freakishly high metabolism and actually loved working out. Tara Sinclair-Reed wore her reddish brown hair short and natural, highlighting her caramel color and high cheekbones. Most people thought that just because she was beautiful, that Tara was stupid. On the contrary, she graduated Suma Cum Laude from Spellman College with a double major, successfully completed Emory Law School, and is now one of the city’s top criminal attorneys.

            “Why on earth would you think I was pregnant?” Nadine replied.

            “Well I was downtown today and stopped by the office; imagine my surprise when Renee tells me that you left early because you fainted. Why else do women faint? Don’t play girl”

            “Could it be because Nick Hughes is our new client and guess who’s heading the account?”

            “OH….MY….GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!” Tara yelled. Nadine had to hold the phone away from her ear.

            “My thoughts exactly,” Nadine replied. She listened to Tara’s stuttering, trying to find words but failing miserably. She waited for her friend to pull it together and braced herself for the next question.

            “So what’s next?” she asked.

            Nadine intentionally changed the subject. She had no idea what was next. Tara was one of her best friends and had seen her through a lot. She had told Tara that Nick was the reason she’d moved here to Memphis and a few of the details. But she wasn’t ready to release the dam of emotion that was churning inside her now. She was afraid of what would come out.

            Tara snorted. “Whew, I recognize that defense a mile away. Okay I get it; you don’t want to talk about it.” Both women were silent. “Wanna go egg his house?”

They laughed. Nadine declined the offer, mainly because she didn’t know where he lived. She knew that when she was ready to talk, Tara would be there with whatever she needed, whether it was a tissue or a tire iron.

            “Trust me; you’ll be the first one I call when I’m ready to go postal. Let your husband know two things: one, where you’re going to be and two, it was all your idea.”

            “Child…my hubby knows me. He says he has a ‘bail money’ stash just for me. Why do you think I’m so good at what I do? I know how my clients think.” They both laughed. Nadine was glad to have Tara as a friend. She always knew how make her feel better.

            “I’ll give you a call sometime tomorrow,” Nadine said.

            “Okay, I’ll be praying for you and waiting to hear the good report...or police report. But due to conflict of interest, with you being my best friend and all, I would not be able to represent you,” she said. “However, I could refer you to one of my very capable colleagues.”

            Nadine laughed again, “Bye Tara, thanks for calling.”

            Nadine felt better. She finally allowed her mind to wander and think about Mr. Nick Hughes. She had been head over heels and thought they were soul mates because she had never opened up to anyone the way she did Nick. She thought of him as her best friend. She tried to forget the last encounter…

            It felt like someone had just kicked Nadine in her stomach. Married…Nick is getting married? How could she have been so stupid? She sat in church staring at the engraved invitation with the time and location of the upcoming nuptials of Nicholas Hughes and Laura Whitmore…wow. She felt Nick’s stare from across the sanctuary but refused to return it. He was getting married—to someone else—and never even bothered to tell her.  That was the day she decided, if offered, to take the job in Tennessee. She had avoided Nick until it was time for her to move. She half expected him to try to stop her…almost hoped he would; but, he didn’t.

            After crying for what seemed like weeks, Nadine decided to try her best to forget about Nick and Memphis, TN seemed like a good idea. She was so grateful that she had actually gotten the job at Chase Lockhart. The only thing that had been keeping her from applying for the job was Nick, hindsight, she was glad her instincts won out over her feelings. It seemed like a decent place to start over. She knew that if she stayed in Cincinnati, she would either commit adultery or commit murder. Neither was an option.

            Now here she was again. “God, how am I going to get through this? Why him, why now?! I really need You to show Yourself strong.” I’m requiring the same of you, My daughter.  She wasn’t surprised by the reply but she wasn’t sure if she was up to the test now. Nadine wiped her face with a corner of the quilt. She reached for her tattered Bible sitting on the end table and flipped to her favorite passage, I Thessalonians 5:16-24. She read silently, then Nadine read the last verse aloud, “Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.” Of course she found the familiar comfort in reading the Bible but she didn’t feel any better about her situation. She said the verse again, “Faithful is He…” Lord I don’t understand. Why now? Why him? What is it that you are calling me to do?  She waited. She listened. However Nadine knew that when the time was right, God would reveal to her exactly what she needed to know. She knew she needed something in the meantime.

            “Okay, girl,” Nadine said in a feeble attempt at giving herself a pep talk, “you can do this. I can do this….I can do all things through Christ, right?” She sighed deeply… “All things…” And finally she let the tears she’d been fighting all day fall, hoping these tears were the last she’d ever shed for that man.

Timing is Everything

Sometimes I feel like an eager athlete: "Put me in Coah, I'm ready!"

Not yet. It’s not time. If I put you in too soon, it’ll ruin the game plan.

“But I’m ready, I know it.”

Trust me. You’ll have your chance.

I return to the sideline, still eager, still excited. Cheering on my teammates who are in the game and encouraging those who are waiting on the sideline like me. A game passes, then another; and before you know it, the season ends. But it’s okay. Coach said I’d get my chance. In the meantime I work—getting stronger and stronger everyday—preparing for the next season. The time has come and it’s a new season, a new opportunity. I’m still eager, still optimistic. But again nothing happens…

“What happened, Coach? When will I get my chance?”

In due time; trust me.

“But I don’t understand—”

I know. But I’m looking at the big picture. You’ve made some wonderful progress since last year, but you still aren’t quite ready yet. But you will be soon. Just hold on a while longer.

Soon confusion and frustration set in. People around me begin to fuel what began as a spark and turned into a fire: “I wouldn’t take that if I were you,” one said. “You’ve been busting your butt all this time, and for what? To sit on the sidelines again?” said another. I was beginning to think that they were right. What was the point? Why keep giving 110 percent only to stand by and watch others get in the game. So I quit. I quit giving my all. I quit believing what the Coach said. I quit encouraging those around me. Soon it was evident that something in me had changed. I played it off like nothing was wrong but the person who really knew me, my Coach, knew the truth.

One day he called me into his office.

I know what’s going on with you. I’ve noticed the change and whether you realize it or not, it’s affecting the entire team.

“I’ve given my all for so long but I don’t have anything to show for it. You keep telling me to wait so I wait. But how long do I have to wait? Season after season, it’s the same thing. I’m tired of preparing for something that isn’t going to happen.”

So it’s been all about you all this time?

“No but…”

But what? I’ve watched you these past few years. At first you weren’t too sure of yourself. Not knowing which position would best suit you but after a while you discovered what you were good at and then there was no stopping you. I’ve watched you grow. I’ve seen how strong you’re becoming. And you don’t realize this but your team also saw you. They were encouraged by you. They saw how you never gave up. How you always gave your all no matter what. Don’t you think that’s important?

“Yeah, I guess…”

Well that’s your job for the moment. Have I ever given you a set time to get in the game? Have I ever led you to believe that you wouldn’t get in?

“No, Coach. You wouldn’t do something like that. It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I just assumed that since you told me I would play, that meant right away. Forgive me for not trusting You. I promise from this moment on, I’ll leave everything in Your control. And you know something, Coach? I’m not ready to get in the game now because lately, I’ve neglected myself. I haven’t been working hard that way I once did. I’m willing to start over if You’re will to give me another chance.”

Of course I’ll give you another chance. As long as you’re willing, I’ll give you as many chances you need.

“Thank You, Coach…"

Crushes Anonymous

Once upon a time, I had a serious problem with crushes; something that was nothing until it got out of hand. Finally I broke free from the curse of crushes. But my biggest challenge was remaining free. There was no official twelve step program; no monthly support group; and no pill or patch to help me stay the course. There was just me and my decision to remain free. Galatians 5:1 states “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ Jesus has made you free and be not again entangled with a yoke of bondage.” It wasn’t easy. I didn’t become this person, this habitual crusher, overnight. Therefore, I could not expect the change to be instant.  

I sometimes consider myself a microwave saint. I expect God to move when I asked Him, then when He doesn't do anything in my timeframe, I feel slighted. I always tell myself (and anyone else for that matter): “God does things suddenly.” Which is true, but because our will sometimes supersedes His will--we want what we want more than we want what He wants--it is difficult for us to stay where He has placed us. Remember Lot’s family? God made a way to deliver them out of Sodom and Gomorrah. The one stipulation was to not look back. Yet Lot’s wife did and she was destroyed because of it. So if you don’t want to repeatedly fall into the same trap of crushes, all you have to do is keep looking forward.

Well, how can I give you my testimony and not look back on what happened? It sounds contradictory, right? Wrong; I can reflect on an event without reliving it. It is okay to tell someone about my experience to help, encourage, or even warn. But I realized that I was re-telling my experience because it gave me an excuse to talk about it and that was a problem. I didn’t learned my lesson and sure enough, I returned to the same pattern of behavior. I have to admit that even when I let go of my attraction to one of the many wrong men that I have fallen for in the past;  when I saw that one crush had moved on and was deeply involved in a new relationship, I still found myself reliving situations and replaying conversations in my mind. I would analyze every detail, every moment we spent together; every word said…trying to figure out what I did to make him not want me; asking myself what I could have done differently.   

The truth is there was nothing that I could have done. I believe that, to this day, if I had done the total opposite, the outcome still would have been the same. Soon, I was back in the place that I struggled so hard to escape.  Finally, I found the determination that I will not allow this one thing, this curse of crushes, to break me or block my blessings.

True story-- I had a friend “Buzz”(whose name has been changed to protect the innocent) who I had a serious crush on. Buzz and I were really good friends. We spent almost everyday day together and I know we talked or text a couple of time a day. Now I’m not the type of woman who does that. I valued my time and my space. But he kind of got to me; so much so that I came to depend on that connection that I thought we had. It just so happened that there was no connection at all, well at least not on Buzz’s part. Sadly, I was the last to know.

I learned in this situation, friendship was not an option. My pretense of friendship had an ulterior motive. I felt like I had invested too much time in Buzz to allow him to walk away. But I heard something on the radio one day:  Someone will choose you because of his/her free will and that same free will causes them to walk away; it’s not up to you to make them stay. This being said, why do we waste time, tears, or whatever trying to redirect someone’s will? God, in His infinite power, will not force us to serve Him but gives us the choice to do so. He wants it to be our decision. So why should we expect differently if we are to pattern ourselves after our Father?  I had convinced myself, “If I love him enough; if I tell him all of the right things; if I make myself available to him then he’ll want me.” No. He won’t.
      
I needed so much for this man to accept me, to love me, to want me that I completely forgot about God’s acceptance, love, and use for me. But God already knew what I was struggling to learn—I need Him and only Him. I would tell God, “Well, Lord if you give me this thing, then I’ll be whatever you want and do what ever You ask.” 

I learned a real simple lesson as I suffered through crush after crush. I had to take each day as it was and live for that day. Every time I formed a crush and created a future that God had not approved nor had He designed for me, I was basically telling him over and over that I didn't trust Him.

I didn’t have the courage to walk completely away from God and didn’t have the sense to ask for His help. So I continued, going through all the motions, like my heart wasn't broken; too foolish to ask God for what I needed. I sat in church week after week and felt nothing. What is this, God? Why are you putting me through this…what have I done to deserve such pain? Help me, tell me what to do. Fix me…please. There was nothing, just silence. I thought it would kill me. I thought about those people who were considered reprobates and I wondered if that’s what had happened to me. One day I changed my prayer: Lord, help me to endure this. I know it’s for my growth and Your glory.

Now that I am completely delivered from crushing, I can honestly look back on all of the men I've had a crush on and thank God that He didn't give me what I asked for (insert praise here). I have found a healthy balance between appreciating fine when I see it and understanding that my imagination is not my destination in God's plan for me.

Are You In Good Hands?

 All drivers are one of the following: one who has full coverage, one with liability only, or the dreaded uninsured. I have been all three. I remember when I had proof of insurance but no real insurance to speak of and it was only by God's grace and favor that I was not pulled over for speeding, involved in an accident, or was caught in a checkpoint during my brief stint in "uninsured-dom." If you think about it, don't we take just a few more risks, knowing that we are fully covered? We drive a little faster; we don't allow aggressive drivers scare us by flashing high beams or riding our bumpers; we smile and hold a conversation with the officer checking for valid driver's license and proof of insurance. We're copacetic...all is cool. We're covered!

I have been thinking of a scripture all day, Galatians 2:21 which states,  I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain (KJV). I love how the NLT Bible words it: I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.

I try so hard to be a good christian, yet sometimes I fall short. I consider myself a good person yet I realize that being a good person isn't good enough. I must be a Godly person; I've got to be a good representation of Christ. I think that as long as we try, God continues to extend grace to us. But He doesn't stop there, He extends grace to those who aren't trying and to those who once tried, succeed, failed, then gave up. God loves it when we're good but he loves it even more when we're His.

Have you ever known a nice person who may have died suddenly? You wonder if that person had accepted God as his or her personal savior. Then you wonder if you should have shared your love of God with them and hoped that they wanted the same for themselves.

Have you ever been around people who say, "I'm saved" yet the life they live is contrary to the bible? I think about myself when I was pretending to have insurance with that card that basically had no power. And I've been in that place from a spiritual perspective - on the outside I looked all good-n-holy, yet I struggled with secret sins, things that couldn't be recorded such as my heart not being right and willfully disobeying God. Eventually I grew tired of being uncovered--both literally and spiritually.

No Insurance: I had no relationship with God, did my thing and lived it up.

Liability Only: I got saved and you know how it is with baby saints, still learning what is and what isn't okay.

Proof without Insurance:  on the outside, I still looked saved but wasn't really going the distance.

Finally I wised up and got Full Coverage, sure it cost more but it also offers more benefits. What was it costing me to profess holiness and actually be holy? A few friends who didn't really love me in the first place? Benefit, a Friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24) The inability to do everything I wanted to do? Benefit: learning to be less carnal (1 Corinthians 15:31).

Don't we have more confidence when we are fully covered? There's an extra pep in our step. Our smile is just that much brighter. Consider this: how secure are we with the lives we live, knowing without question that when this earth passes away, that there's a mansion in heaven waiting...that's what I call Awesome coverage and can only be given by the Ultimate Insurer.

Check your insurance, is it sufficient or do you need an upgrade?

I'm Back!!

I sincerely apologize for my absence beloved followers but I've been on a much needed vacation.

Pre's Perspective will continue as scheduled and I will have something new for you each day.

Stay tuned....

Hugs and Kisses,
Preamiller

Home Again

At the church that I attend, we have monthly emphases; every month, we focus on an aspect that will enhance our walks with Christ. The emphasis for July is Faith & Deliverance.  Prior to July, however, God was constantly trying to speaking to me but I couldn’t hear Him. I was frustrated. I was distressed. I was tired. I was giving up. I didn’t understand my “wilderness experience” and I’m the type of person who needs an explanation for EVERYTHING. So, imagine my dilemma of not knowing anything about anything about my life. GOD, WHAT GIVES?!!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!!! It’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you. That didn’t make me feel better. I didn’t want to hear that. I wanted a solution. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to feel better. I lay on my bed, motionless, unable to cry, wallowing in my self pity. I was basically complaining and whining. But you know what? God doesn’t respond to complaining and whining. He doesn’t respond to tears shed in self pity. He is not an impassionate God, mind you. He understood, but He wanted to teach me something. So when nothing happened, I was just…done. There’s no other word for it. I was done.  But God said, not yet.

My Pastor did a lesson entitled, “Strength in Faith” and said that faith gives you four things: power, passion, possession, and peace. He taught from Numbers 13 which dealt with the spies checking out Canaan. Now this is what “Thus saith the Lord.” He instructed Moses, who in turn, instructed the people. God tells you that you will possess that land. He says, “Go check it out; it’s pretty fabulous, and its your.” Why on earth would you doubt Him? Why would you say, We’re not good enough, we can’t live there. We’re too small and too weak. Okay…God is more than ANY that is against us. If He says you can have it by His power, why not take Him at his word? Well, I was sitting there mad at the Israelites because I thought that they were so stupid. God was already, literally, taking care of them. They didn’t have to worry about anything. He fed them, he led them. They wandered for 40 years and their shoes and clothes never wore down.  WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THOSE UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE?!

Then it hit me; or should I say God hit me. What makes me so different? I’m no better than the Israelites. God led me to this scripture:

And the Lord said to Moses, How long will this people provoke (spurn, despise) Me? And how long will it be before they believe Me [trusting in, relying on, clinging to Me], for all the signs which I have performed among them?  (Numbers 14:11 AMP)

What would God have to do to convince me that He’s got my back, that He knows what’s best? This is what I heard that night and it’s been with me since, There’s nothing left for you to do but trust Me. Okay, I receive that. Then He moved. He spoke to me. He responded to my faith. When I was laid across my bed thinking I wasn’t loved, He couldn’t do anything because it would have done no good. Now I believe that things are working for my good. Usually I say I believe but there’s always that underlying panic and doubt. Not this time. I actually believe. I BELIEVE.  When I got home, I got my Micah Stampley CD and played his song over and over entitled, “I Believe.” I played it for about a week and a half. It was my testimony and every time doubt tried to creep up and steal my peace, power, passion, and possessions, I remembered: there’s nothing left for me to do but trust Him. 

Later, I went on vacation, driving a good deal of the way. My passengers slept most of the way so I had time to myself. I starting thinking, “What does it mean to chase after God? I don’t know what that means. How do I seek God? I just don’t understand. I feel like this is something I should know.” And I wanted to know what it meant. I wanted to chase God. It sounded like something worthwhile. So I prayed, “God I want to know what that means. I never thought about it before.”  As soon as I prayed that, something changed. I don’t know what happened. Maybe God was waiting for me ask that question.  Maybe that’s what this year was all about. On the Sunday of my vacation, while getting ready for church, a song came on that I had not heard for at least 10 years. One part says,

Seeking God in a very solemn way, taking heed to the things I do and say; offering myself to you. I’m coming as a brother, coming as a friend. Now I see it’s clear to me. It’s You I need; I deny myself and put my hand in yours.

Something in my spirit leaped. That’s it! That’s chasing God. I was so glad that I was in the room alone because I don’t know what my facial expression was. I wanted to lose my mind in the Holy Ghost but since I wasn’t at home, I just whispered thankyouthankyouthankyou, thankyou. Just like that: no spaces, no punctuation. Simply, Thank You. When I got home from vacation, my church was in the middle of an unscheduled revival. The very first night I went, I danced, I yelled, I let go and let God. I got back something that I thought was lost and that I was trying so hard to get back.  When it happened, I felt that I was home.

This is what confirmed it for me: The guest evangelist, during the alter call, sang that exact same song, “Now I see. It’s clear to me, it’s You I need. I deny myself and put my hand in Yours.” God and I are holding hands. You know, I always did enjoy holding hands with someone I love.  I’ve reconnect with my best friend. I’m getting to know Him all other again. I wake up expecting Him to speak. I yearn for His voice, I crave His presence. I’m experiencing love. Last night, I asked God to speak to me. Say something, anything. You know what He said—My daughter, my love.

His love…I’m His and He loves me. Wow…he loves me.

Busted!

As I trudge to and from work during this relentless heatwave and muse about the highly publicized miscalculation of the rapture (lol), I've begun to ask myself the question, "Is this what I want to be caught doing when Jesus comes for me?" ("This" being any thought, action, or deed that you may or may not perform on a regular basis). And since we can't pinpoint the day or the hour, it behooves us to live what some call "rapture ready." I guarantee if you ask yourself this question, you'll certainly think twice about what you do.

What if I were...

•  Taking my third or fourth shot of tequila?
• Committing sexual immorality?
• Cussing someone out (secretly or out loud)?
• Being unkind, impatient, and/or impassionate?
• Being judgemental?

If that were the case, chances are I would have to catch Jesus on the "next go round." Instead, I want to be caught doing something so that I can be caught up to meet Him in the air. I could go on and on about little daily actions that may not seem wrong but may be something that God can't get glory from.

I've always believed that one's salvation is personal. I wasn't beat all night; I didn't hang on a cross, wasn't spat on, or pierced in my side so I can't judge you or your actions. All I can do is urge you to ask yourself the above question. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in how others see us that we tend to forget that the only view that matters is God's. I tell people all the time that my salvation is a day to day process and I am a work in progress. I remember when I first got saved. I read my bible every, single night; no matter how tired I was or how late I got in. I stopped listening to secular music; went to church EVERY Sunday (did I mention that I was in college when I got saved? Yeah, college). I was definitely "rapture ready" back then.

I realized not too long ago that somewhere along the way I had become complacent. I started telling myself that it didn't take all that to live right. I could do this and do that and still be sanctified. I got lazy and I spent way too much time as an adolescent saint...it was time to grow up. I was the one who asked the Lord to come into my heart and my life, then I treated Him like an unwelcomed guest who had overstayed his welcome. God wasn't satisfied and neither was I...eventually.

So I went to God again, contrite, embarrassed, and very repentant and I stayed on my face--tears falling, heart breaking then mending again--until I started to feel how I did all those years ago. Turns out it does take all of that - and sometimes more. I love how God meets us at our point of need. I know what I can comfortably do. (FYI: it is possible to live holy and still have fun). And during those times when I ignore what God says no to, He lovingly intervenes and thwarts my plan. And that's fine with me...

I've heard, "Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desire" (Psalm 37:4 NLT) so many times that my mind would go into Charlie Brown's teacher mode (but that's another post for another day). But now I understand: He is all that matters, nothing else. "Lord where have You been?" Here. All the time, and I've missed you  Awww...

So I'll be delighting when He comes...what about you?

Stop and Smell the Roses

One of my all time favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:6-7. The Message Bible puts it like this: Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. I recite this at least daily. I meditate on it because I'm not a very good waiter. I get antsy and over anxious. I begin to worry about my biological clock...tick tick ticking loudly in my ear. With each passing birthday I think about all the wasted eggs. It seems like more and more of my friends are on the other side of the broom.

Sometimes I feel like the last person waiting to be picked to a team...when is it going to be my turn God? For the longest time I sat still, pseudo-waiting, pretending to be satisfied. Of course, that didn't work. I knew I had to do something. (Maybe go out and clunk a man on the head with my club, drag him back to my cave? Do I join an online dating service? *thinks about it* nah). Instead, I did what I always did when I started to feel sorry for myself, I went to the Word, to my favorite apostle, Paul's writings.

As I read and learned, I realized that life is not passing me by; I'm not missing out on anything. In fact, this time is now the best time of my life. So why not enjoy it? When my time does come, I don't want any regrets about what I should have done. I began to slow down and really appreciate my singleness. Everyday I ask myself, "What can I do today that I won't be able to do once the husband and the children come?" Well let's see: go skydiving...take tango lessons...buy season tickets for my favorite sports team...take a trip...spend a day shopping...spend a day at the spa (my favorite)...read a book from cover to cover...WRITE a book.

So here's my advice, slow down and enjoy your life. Do what recovering addicts do and take it one day at a time. Try something new and enjoy where you are.

I have a question for you: what's your excuse?

We all have something that we need to be doing or should be doing and we have a 1001 excuses as to why we are not doing this particular thing or things...I'm working; I'm too busy; I'm doing a lot of traveling; I keep oversleeping. There is always going to be an excuse as to why you have not done something. But the truth of the matter is we're not doing this particular thing (or things) because we simply don't want to. If we first admit that, then we can proceed to create the necessary steps to make whatever needs to happen, happen.

So why aren't you reading your bible? Or fasting and praying like you know you should?
Why aren't you attending Sunday School, Sunday service, or weekly bible study?
Why haven't you opened the savings account or improved your credit score?
Why are you not exercising and eating healthier than you do?

Why haven't you started that business, finished the book, or gone back to school?

WHY??

What's your excuse....there are about ten we can rattle off from the top of our heads. Well, at least I can. Now get down to the nitty gritty. What's the REASON?

Galatians 6:4-5 says, But let every man put to the proof his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden.

We are responsible for what we choose to do and not do. Are we prepared for the consequences? Case in point: I need to exercise but come up with all kinds of "reasons" why I don't. So I have to ask myself if I'm prepared to be overweight, develop serious health conditions such as diabetes, heart problems, even back, leg, and foot aches...I thought about it and as much as I hate to exercise and no matter how much I don't want to do it, I'm going to do it.

I want to challenge you to confront that thing that you’ve been putting off. God gives us new mercy with every new day so He's giving us a chance to fulfill purpose, to be whole in every area of our lives. For twenty-one days let’s challenge ourselves to break a bad habit and form a positive, new one. Who knows what God is preparing us to be ready for in the second half of 2011...or for the rest of our lives. J

Let’s go!

She's Making a List and Checking It Twice

Have you ever had something on your mind that you wanted to say? You fantasized about when the moment presented itself because you knew that your words would be perfectly executed and sometimes you secretly practice out loud how you’re going to say it. The words, the inflections, the tone…lie in wait, like a lion ready to pounce. Finally it comes—someone says something that opens the door. It’s show time! You have at it and (in your mind) thunderous applause…

Answer me this: have you even been on the other end of that vocal spill?

Picture it, Memphis, last week, I was asked to be on a panel for single Christians—single being divorced, widowed, or never married. It was a wonderfully diverse collection of people and each had an interesting perspective on questions that people had submitted anonymously. A question was asked, “Is it wrong if you do not want to date someone who has children?” I, being the only person who had never been married and the only woman with no children, opted to answer the question: “There is nothing wrong with wanting to date and marry someone who doesn’t have children. I know the type of person I am, I would rather not share my mate/spouse with another woman.” Most women agreed and I thought it was a good answer. I wasn’t passing judgment nor did I feel that my desire was unreasonable. I have a list of things that I desire in a mate (none of which are set in stone) and this just so happens to be of those things.

Well, obviously, my sister in Christ—let’s call her Janika Doe--had rehearsed how she would respond to the “picky single woman.” Can’t you just hear her? (If you can’t I certainly can): I get tired of women…passing over good men for stupid reasons and here I am a good woman and I’m still single. God says this and the Bible says that... Sister Janika took the mic and let me have it. I didn’t catch all of what she was saying but I did hear – “You could be missing out on what God has for you by passing over a man with children…stop looking at a man’s feet and see what kind of integrity he has.”

It was at that moment that I felt that Madea spirit rise up in me: You..Don’t…Know…Me!! My flesh was saying, “Get her” yet my spirit was saying, “Be still” (darn that spirit…always trying to do the right thing). I closed my eyes, chin resting on my hands, opened my eyes. She’s still talking. I look at the wall behind her, then to the right at the exit sign above door. Still going. Finally the moderator took away the microphone. *sigh* I did it, I made it through.

Said all of that to say this—it had to be God’s perfect plan—Janika Doe's going off on me. Because my list had been on my mind on account of this man I had fallen in love with (and we never got past the great phone conversations). He had it all, well he had most of it: handsome, well employed, a homeowner, kept his word, loved his family, loved theater and traveling and art, graduated from an HBCU. All of these things are on my list. He was smart and funny, also on the list. But one thing he wasn’t—which is at the top of my list—he wasn’t fully committed to God. And I know that we are willing to compromise on most things, yet I found myself in a place where I questioned if I was willing to sacrifice this thing.  Now I know what you’re thinking, “All that, shoot, I’d be willing to work with a brother.” I don’t consider myself a “super Saint.” I try to be heavenly minded and earthly good. I wanted to work with him, yet that nagging feeling kept creeping in.

I wanted to overlook his religious view, yet when God revealed to me that until this man established a relationship with Him, the others relationships won’t succeed because this man will not be satisfied. He’s trying to fill this void with all the wrong things.

One thing about God—He’s always right. When I decided to stop taking the crumbs this man was tossing me (yeah turns out, he wasn’t that into me as my sister pointed out when she asked, “Yall ever been out on a date?”) I started moving. Hence this blog, and night after night of wonderful sleep…and my favorite: Peace about being single and confident that God can and will do exceedingly, abundantly above all we ask or think according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:20). We just need to stay connected to the power. A light bulb doesn’t work until it’s put in the socket..What’s in the socket? Power!

So break out your pen and paper. Write the vision! Don’t be embarrassed or doubtful. Believe! God has already shown me that he can meet my needs and He also showed me that He can go beyond that....Happy "wish listing"

Three Simple Words

Lately, I’ve been thinking about love. Not long ago, I came across a movie that—just so happens—was about love. In this movie a woman was so in love with a man that she made him the center of her life. Her love, in his eyes, became overbearing…too much to take. So, because her love for him was so strong, his love for her diminished and the relationship ended. Even after they broke up she relentlessly pursued him. Sadly, her tenacity for love ended her life. Even from beyond the grave she pursued him…so much so that in the end of the movie he ended up in a broken posture committed to an insane asylum. After watching this movie, I got to thinking. Is love really that complicated? Granted, we won’t be haunted by “real” ghosts, but sometimes things from our past relationships can haunt us to a point that they affect our present.

So I wonder, are there shades of gray when it comes to love? Is it possible to almost love, or kind of love someone? I’m sitting here thinking about my own experiences with love. I am finally resting in the peace of God’s agape love. At one point in my life, Satan almost tricked me into believing I was incapable, even unworthy of love. I almost fell for it, too, until one day I decided to love without thinking. I told myself—as cheesy as it sounds—even if it doesn’t work out at least I’ll be glad to know that I took a chance at love. The only reason I told myself this is I didn’t expect it to not work out. Much to my surprise (and horror) it failed miserably. However, after all the tears, sleepless nights, pity parties, anger; after going through every possible human emotion, I can look back and say that I’m glad for the experience.

These three simple words, “I love you,” are full of complexity; some people go their whole lives yearning to hear that phrase. Some take for granted the simple fact that they are loved.  We vow to say, “I love you” freely and every chance we get. But the truth of the matter is, the words mean nothing unless we put them into action. The man who abuses his wife always says “I love you” once the beating ends; the stepfather who violates his stepdaughter says, “I love you.”  The adulterer utters the words to his or her companion in one breath and to the spouse they pledged fidelity to in another. If Jesus had said, “I love you but I’m not willing to die for you. BUT, I do love you.” Where would we all be? Lost, that’s where. So if we are to be imitators of Christ, why is it so hard for us to love as He loves? The Bible tells us that “…faith without works is dead” (James 2:20). The same is true about love; it too is dead without works.

I learned an important lesson about love just a few days ago. There is an individual that I don’t particularly care for. I would always say, “I don’t like her but I love her with the love of God.” Truth be told, if I saw her stranded on the side of the road in the rain, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that I’d stop to help her. Yet I insisted I loved her with the love of God….hmmm.

Picture this: I’m sinking, dying in sin. I desperately need help. Jesus is within arm’s reach but just stands there. That’s not love. Jesus would reach out to me. I wasn’t reaching; I wasn’t even leaning in the woman’s direction. So I gave a friend of mine that line. My friend asked, “Why don’t you like her.” I gave the list of things that bothered me about this woman (all shallow and superficial of course). Out loud the list seemed quite absurd. Then she said, “Yeah; I remember how she was but that was before she was saved.” As hard as I tried, I could not hold on to my lame excuses. I didn’t love her with the love of Christ at all. This simple fact really bothered me. I thought about it for the rest of the night. What if people judged or based their opinions on the “me” before I was saved. I wasn’t being fair to this woman whom I didn’t like.  Then I got to thinking again…How is it that I can say, “I want to be married” but I haven’t figured out love yet? In all things we must strive for perfection. Of course we will never reach perfection, but nevertheless, we must strive.  So many times I’ve tried to justify myself; I’ve attempted to validate my un-Christ-like behavior. “Well, she doesn’t like me so why can’t I not like her” Other people are not our mirror; we cannot reciprocate someone’s actions, thoughts, or feelings towards us. God is our mirror. So what if she gives me a fake smile? It is my responsibility to return a genuine one.

I once heard someone say, “Fake it ’til you make it.” This does not mean we exhibit insincere actions, it means that we must adapt a new behavior; step out of our comfort zone until the unfamiliar becomes the norm. Our Christian walk requires growth and sometimes growth is uncomfortable. And believe me, this is something that is not easy for me. I do not look forward to this required task. But, I am willing. There is a song that has been in my spirit for a couple of weeks and a line says, “A heart that forgives is a heart that will live totally free from the pain of the past and a heart that lets go is a heart that will know so much freedom…”

We love to use the phrase, “Forgive and forget.” People tend to think that if you haven’t forgotten something, you’ve not fully forgiven. Here’s my take on the phrase: I have not completed blocked out what you have done to me. I still remember what you’ve done but I will not hold it against you. Sometime things can’t or won’t go back to the way they were; and that is okay. It doesn’t mean love has diminished or disappeared. I think it means the opposite: love has evolved. True it is more difficult to love someone who’s hurt you or doesn’t love you, maybe not even like you; but love them anyway.

There is so much freedom in loving without boundaries. When we get to this place in love, to love without thinking, or remembering, or worrying, then we have moved one step closer to mirroring God’s love.