I currently have four unfinished, unpublished posts, and an unfinished novel (insert sad face here). This post is a challenge for me because I don't really have anything specific in mind. I am frustrated because I can't write. Lord where are the words? I listen but can only hear my own thoughts. I remember thinking last week that I'm in an unusual season; not necessarily a bad or difficult season but it's different than any season I've been in. Could it be that I am moving forward? Have I gotten myself together long enough for God to allow some things to manifest? Maybe.... While I've been obsessing over trying to find a name for this season three things have happened: - A missionary at Tuesday night service named the unnamed season for me
- I had a very specific dream about some very specific things (I promise that I'll share when they come to pass).
- I'm having my 4 am wake up calls again.
The missionary preached last week about a season of preparation. That's when I realized that I haven't written anything or completed any posts during my unnamed season. I'll call it the calm before the storm of creativity. My dream was in line with this season of preparation and I woke up with the feeling that something really, really great is waiting for me on the other side. I became a little apprehensive which prompted the 4 am wake up calls. This is when I really get to talk with God. I know he's omnipresent but I like to think of 4 a.m. as ours: just me & my God having a heart to heart. I admit I'm afraid, He tells me it's okay.
I realize, as I write, that maybe I am afraid of good things happening to me. I will admit that I am my own worst enemy. I told God that I don't feel worthy of whatever it is that's about to happen. But you know something? My worth isn't determined by all of the things I've counted. Lord just let me lose about 15 pounds, and I have a plan for this debt, let me pay a little bit of that off; give me time to find another job, then I'll be ready... Well it does sound ridiculous now that I actually see the words.
But God just shared with me: it's your heart. Your heart is growing.
It's one thing to have faith and believe God when you think something is way down the road. I never would have imagined that it would take more faith to receive that same something when it is in your neighborhood, on your street, walking up your driveway.
I don't know your season. I don't know your measure of faith. I don't know the size of your heart. But God does. Let's take the leap of faith together and watch Him move.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 (KJV)
