Keep It Moving

I'm not a big fan of change. Yet, I recognize its necessity. I like predictability and going with the norm. I find comfort in knowing that something is going along as planned. I stay the course...stick with the script...sometimes to my own detriment. One of my very best friends told me (more like yelled at me) "You gotta be more flexible. Learn to bend." Naturally I rolled my eyes and argued, "I'm flexible; I bend!" Well, I do if and when it makes sense. Which was basically saying I wasn't flexible at all. So, knowing the type of friend she is, I began to look within. I started asking God to help me be more flexible, help me roll with the punches, all with a pleasant disposition and an even better heart and spirit.

Well, God called my bluff, so to speak. He started to show me that I had become spiritually stagnant. I wanted to be better and do better and I started praying for God to make me better. For a long time, it seemed like my prayers were unanswered. I had been struggling--along with other things--about my involvement in ministry and how my attitude towards ministry had changed . I decided that I would remove myself from everything I was involved in and sit down and take in all the teachings offered at my church. I admit that I felt guilty but I knew that I would not be able to be effective in anything in the state that I was in: going through the motions and responding appropriately to "Christian stimuli."

As the end of 2011 neared, the Lord spoke to me to go to another church. It was so clear that there was no question that it was God speaking. About a month later my mom sent me an email which confirmed what God had already told me, yet I was still apprehensive. Going to another church was a big change for me. "Lord, you told me my husband was at this church and I'm still single. If I leave he won't be able to find me." A feeble excuse, but I had been at this church for seven years. I expected to get married there, raise a family there, be effective there.... Leaving just didn't make sense. So I talked to someone that I respected who cast some serious doubt and I starting questioning what I had heard.

I joined my former church with the mindset that I just wanted to help where needed. I remember at one point in my life, I was at church Sunday to Thursday. Sure sometimes I was exhausted and felt unappreciated. I missed a lot of things in my family's life and even my personal life. I was convinced that being a good Christan meant being a busy Christan.

Luke 10:38-41 notes, As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. ³⁹ Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” ⁴¹ But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! ⁴² There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I see a little of myself in Martha. I understand her frustration. It is very difficult to see people grow around you and get what God has for them and your situation doesn't change. The Lord revealed to me (just now actually) that overworking was taking away from my ability to chase after Him. I was too tired or too angry or too disappointed to get what I needed to push me into the place where my promises were to be manifested. I was standing still, my due season within view. But I lacked the motivation to move towards it.

I tried to simultaneously do what I wanted and what God wanted. Of course, that was a colossal fail. I literally felt uncomfortable in my own church (or should I say I was uncomfortable doing my own thing). It was devastating. No one had hurt my feelings or threw me under the bus. The pastor didn't preach about something I didn't like or agree with. None of the things happened that normally prompt people to go to another church.. So I set a deadline and the closer the deadline came, the more hesitant I became. Then I had an Old Testament experience. I had a recurring dream, so in a dream, I asked God,"Why do I keep having this dream?" And He answered; when I awoke the next morning I remembered: Because this change is for you. Wouldn't you know it? I didn't have the dream again after.

Working for the kingdom is good; working yourself to death for the kingdom...not so much. So the Sunday following my dream, I obeyed. Since that day, things in my life have literally turned around. Some things I had forgotten about, things I had given up on were coming to pass. I stepped into this new church and all of my apprehension and confusion vanished. It has been my experience that when we do something contrary to God's will, there is usually a sense of conviction . I felt comfortable. The pastor declared to the house that this year is a year of great growth...a year a jubilee...this year is the beginning of my best years.