Worth Your Weight

For the longest time, I avoided mirrors. I didn't particularly like what they showed me.  My younger sister would always say, “You’re so photogenic.” But I never saw what she saw. I never felt as pretty as the pictures depicted me. I used to wonder if that was who people saw when they looked at me because the person looking back at me in the mirror didn't look at all like the person in those pictures. I was an adult before I realized that the woman in the mirror and the young lady in the picture were one and the same. 

The realization came at an unexpected time. I was cleaning my bathroom mirror and there was a smudge that just would not come out. I had camped out at that particular spot and God gently said, Look. Reluctantly I did. You’re beautiful. And I don’t know if He spoke it into existence or if He just brought it to my attention; but the woman in that mirror was really pretty. I just stood there staring at my reflection wondering, “Is this me? Is this how I really look? Is this the face that people see? She is pretty; I’m pretty.” Imagine a grown woman standing in the bathroom, towel in one hand, glass cleaner in another, fighting back tears because at the tender age of 25, she realized that she wasn't ugly after all. 

When I was finally becoming comfortable in my newly found, still fragile self esteem, something happened to me that absolutely shattered it. So much so that I was worse off than I was before.  I found myself emotionally attached to a man who made me feel as pretty and worthy as God had said. Sadly, I took my focus off of God. Then the unthinkable (in my mind) happened. He rejected me. So because this man casually tossed me aside like a used Kleenex, I lost all confidence in myself. It even questioned my confidence in God.

One night, during weekly Bible study, I was sitting in church trying to listen to the pastor but I caught a glimpse of Mr. Rejecter.  All of a sudden, the pastor became blurry. I realized my eyes were filling with tears, I was wondering why he didn't want me (Mr. Rejecter, not my pastor). I remember, clear as day, the image of a well known restaurant flashed in my mind. Then I heard, “You’re like a loaded baked potato” A what?  “You’re a loaded baked potato. Don’t be angry because he preferred a plain potato. Everyone cannot handle a loaded baked potato with its variety of flavors and textures. But someone, right now, at this very moment is wishing that they had a loaded baked potato.” I laughed out loud. I thought it was a great comparison… I wanted to run out and have a t-shirt made that said, “Loaded Baked Potato.” I love how God always meets me at my point of need. When He compared me to food, my tentative tears dried up and I felt better. 

People have a way of making us feel like we’re less than our true worth. Sometimes it’s intentional, most times it’s not. But we have to stop looking to people to define our worth and keep our eyes on God. You are valuable, bought with a price that none of us—people—could ever pay. Jesus, God’s son, gave his blood and his life for us: You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men (I Corinthians 7:23 NKJV). That makes us invaluable. Men will reject you. Women will reject you. God never will. Somehow, some way, He always reminds us that we are His and that we are worth the price He paid for us. 


Today’s Prayer: Thank You God for sending your son to pay the price for me. God help me to realize who I am in You. Remind me that I am worthy, valuable, and purchased with a price. Help me God not to look to men for approval but to seek Your approval. Amen.

Little Women

I come from a legacy of classy, nurturing, strong women. My mother is wonderful, my paternal grandmother was wonderful. And the grandmother that I never had the pleasure of meeting has also been described as wonderful. Now my family isn't perfect and that is not the picture that I am painting. There are some who like to drum up drama but it usually doesn't get very far because the good women outweigh the bad ones.

I've always heard other women say, "That's why I don't deal with females." Yet I could never quite relate. My best relationships are with "females." It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized some girls never mature. They just become bigger girls; stuck in a box of wanting what they think others have and resenting them for it (be it openly or secretly). Even then, I still couldn't relate but I now understand why some women would choose this way of thinking. I always feel in my spirit when I've been lied on, lied to, or misrepresented to others by women imposing as my friends. Yet I remember God's grace to me, so I extend that same grace towards them. 

As women we must realize that we are better together. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).  Let us turn away from reality television shows that foster destructive relationships among us and turn towards God. May we learn to pray for our sisters and ourselves and ask Him to straighted the crooked places in us (Isaiah 45:2) and to turn our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). We were designed to nurture--not just children and a husband,--but each other.

We cannot avoid small minded women. They are on our jobs; the mothers of our children's friends; in our families; and yes, even in our church. It is difficult and heartbreaking to experience jealousy, backbiting, and backstabbing. And it always seems the opportunity to retaliate is readily available when it comes to being mishandled by these women. At times like this, I remember:  Do not say I will recompense evil; Wait for the Lord and He will save you (Proverbs 20:22 NLT). My friend (another one of those wonderful women whom I am blessed to know) told me that the Lord will fight better than I can ever imagine. This morning, listening to my pastor on the radio, the same sentiment was expressed: The Lord will fight for you.

As I was driving and listening the Lord said: You cannot stoop to their level because I am taking you higher. Difficult women are placed in our lives for two reasons: as an opportunity to witness or to build our character in adversity.

These lyrics just popped in my head so I'll leave you with this: I need you/You need me/We're all a part of God's body/Stand with me, agree with me/We're all a part of God's body/It is His will that every need be supplied/You are important to me/I need you to survive.

Kudos!

As the song goes, "I love to praise His name," but what I don't love are the praise Nazis...er, excuse me, praise and worship leaders. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why some praise leaders spend so much time trying to get the people involved. If there are some in the congregation sitting, with arms folded and legs crossed, I say by all means let them. If they choose not to give honor where honor is due, fine. We all have a rock assigned to us and Luke tells us that Jesus says “If they [His followers] kept quiet, the stones along the road would burst into cheers!” (19:40 NLT).

I remember a time I was really upset with God, I was on the verge of giving up and I had maybe a drop of hope left in me. Even when I was going through that difficult season, something in me wouldn't let me stay home on Sunday. That same something would not let me sit with my hand in my lap, ankles crossed while praise and worship was going forth. God is too good to me; even when all I can see is my own grief and discomfort.

I tend to think along the lines of "if I don't like it, what makes me think God will?" For example, what if someone was brought to me, against his will, arm pinned behind his back, forced to say, "You sure look pretty today"?  If it's obvious that he doesn't want to give me this compliment, it's not going to make me feel good. In fact, it will probably make me feel really bad. God does not want a "Simon says" praise. He wants a willful, conscious, free praise.

God is wonderful in how He helps us to understand things. A stone is probably one of the most common objects on the planet. They are everywhere: in the city, in the country, in the woods, near the water - everywhere. Just the thought that such a simple, inanimate thing would make a noise if I refuse to say "Hallelujah" or "Thank you, Lord" is enough to get me to open my mouth. And the beauty of praise is it is not limited to the saints. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord (Psalm 150:6 NIV). Have you ever wondered why a dog barks nonstop seemingly for nothing? He's praising the Lord. The bird that sits on your window sill, chirping and chirping hours before you have to wake up is also praising the Lord.

There's another song that says, "Ain't gone let no rock out praise me. Ain't gone let it sing in my place." And while I am not a fan of its grammatical shortcomings, I do appreciate the sentiment. Nothing is going to stop my praise. Not you, not my circumstances, not even me. A "glory glory glory!" has taken permanent residence in my heart.

He inhabits our praise (Psalm 22:3) so let Him come on in and stay for a while.

Priceless

For the past couple of days I've been semi-obsessed with the virtuous woman (Proverbs 31:10-31). It all started with me thinking about my relationship status. Now don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly happy as I am: single with no prospects, interests, or crushes. And I know for some that may sound pitiful but that's just the way it is. I've learned that if you force something where it doesn't belong, something is going to break. So if I force a relationship in a season where it does not belong, something's going to break--my heart, my spirit, my willpower. I'd like to keep that from happening and since it is in my power to do so, I will.

I want to be a wife and mother, but above that, I want to be a good wife and mother; a Godly wife and mother...someday. When God deems me ready.  Last week as my singleness drifted across my mind like a feather in the wind, I had an interesting thought: I can't be in a relationship right now as I am. I won't add any value to his life. Well I guess it's not so much interesting as it is sad. But it makes perfect sense to me. I would like to contribute something to a relationship. I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman people are always bragging about, whose "...worth [is] far above rubies." Sounds like she's invaluable, doesn't it?

After I read it for the umpteenth time, in multiple translations one question plagued me: how is this woman so perfect? No one is that perfect. Naturally I asked my Father about this super woman and He revealed something that has helped me tremendously.

This woman was not perfect. She simply didn't break character. Think about Saturday Night Live, if something unusual happens, if the actor is good, he or she will not break character. Even if a pink elephant tip-toed across the stage wearing a neon yellow tutu, they stay true to form. This isn't saying the virtuous woman is a fake. God revealed that yes she got tired and overwhelmed. Her children, servants, and even her husband worked her nerves. She, like the rest of us, is flawed. But she maintains her integrity and her virtue despite how she feels or what happens around her. She recognized her value and understood its importance concerning others. She maintains her Godly character. To be a good wife, a good mother...to be a good woman, that is what we must strive to do.

Let us be more like this virtuous woman and always remember to work hard (vs 13); make good use of our time (vs 14); be fair, honest, well prepared (vs 15-18); generous (vs 20) and strong (vs 25).

When everything around us is begging, taunting us to do what we want to do, let's think about this priceless woman and remember that we are wise, hopeful, kind (vs 25-26); we have a spirit of excellence (vs 29); and, we love God (vs 30) and walk in the gift He has given us (vs 31).

Shine and sparkle, beautiful lady; be the priceless gem God has designed you to be.

Know Your Place

I woke up a few mornings ago humming, "my soul says yes, yes Lord....yes to your will, yes to you way..." followed by my rendition of" my soul says yes to my Lord....He's done great things, great things..." although I suspected that I had combined two songs into one but it made sense to me so I kept singing. I concluded with my own version of "Completely Yes" in the car on the way to work which blessed me so much that I listened to it once I got there.

This, combined with last Sunday's sermon (the first installment of "The Assignment" series") still fresh on my mind reminded me of something I wrote about five years ago, and while the bulk of it is --for lack of a better word--useless, there are a few things that still strike a chord in me:

Lesson number one: function where you are. Don’t become a part of something because you want to make friends or because certain ministries seem more glamorous. If you don’t like to sing, if you can’t sing, don’t join the choir because you want people to see your new outfit. Sometimes, your purpose is simply to encourage the person sitting next to you.

Lesson number two: take God at His word. We have to trust Him. Period.  God tells us what we need to know, when we need to know it. He prepares and equips us for our purpose; if you aren't sure what you're supposed to do, ask. He's not stingy. He's not going to give you something to do and not help you complete the task. He is more than capable of providing everything you need to do anything you need to do.

Lesson number three: don't overstay your welcome. When you have completed the assignment, move on. To quote my pastor, "When we are outside of our assignment, God has no responsibility to bless us." I know this to be true from experience. I worked in the children's ministry for seven years and served as a leader for the last two. When God told me that assignment had ended and I didn't move immediately, I could feel the shift in my spirit. I was more irritable, I went from having a million and one ideas to feeling like not being bothered; from feeling inspired to feeling obligated. All of which could have been avoided if I had simply moved when I was supposed to.  

I know we sometimes get confused and think that things are about us. But they're not. We have a tendency to avoid conversations with those who are always talking about themselves. Isn't it better to receive a compliment than to toot your own horn? If we don't like it, surely we can conclude that God does not. My life, your life, our purpose is so much greater than who we are. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other (1 Corinthians 12:7 NLT). Okay, now let us collectively get over ourselves and get busy operating where God wants us.

I used to have it bad trying to do my own thing. I didn't realize that my life isn't mine. All that I am and all, all that I will be belongs to God. So now I preface every decision with a prayer. I encourage you to pray it with me:

God let my wants come into alignment with Your wants. If this move/decision is in Your plan for me, I thank you for opening the door and making the way. If this is not in Your plan for me, I thank You for better. Amen

Check the Date

Let me preface this post with an apology. I neglected to publish anything during October...which was not for a lack of trying but I simply didn't hear anything that I felt led to share.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled entry.

I don't know if anyone remembers the post regarding my "list." (She's Making a List and Checking It Twice June 2011) but I was thinking about it...again...here lately. During this week's Sunday School, the teacher talked about the difference between self made storms and the storms that God allows to develop and grow us. Well, last week that kind of happened to me. But in a backwards sort of way. I was thinking about my list and the person who fit the bill. So I texted him. Yes, I know it was a bad idea but I just couldn't help myself. It wasn't that I was missing him or wanted him to want me. I think I was more so testing my own strength. I wanted something to gauge my growth. Granted, there were many other things that I could have done...but the thing is, I became stuck in a cycle of falling for men who didn't want me. I sit here and think back and it has been, as my mother says (which she got from her dad) "the same soup warmed over." And quiet as it's kept--well, not really. But I was sick of eating that soup! (Stay with me, this isn't random rambling).

I don't know if it's the new look, or my conscious decision to speak positively and invite positive things into my life, but it dawned on me in the middle of that text conversation, "It's not me. It's him!" Can I admit that I thought it was me? Which I know is a bit absurd yet the release, the total liberation that I felt after that realization is anything but. It has had me walking on air, singing hallelujah, and dreaming sweet dreams. If I had not listened to God, taken time to finally grow up (in my spirit) then I know without a shadow of doubt, I would be in the midst of one of those self inflicted storms--without umbrella or galoshes--getting pummeled by an unnecessary rain.

This is what God said, one morning as I bent to get something from under the sink, Now, do you want what you want or do you want what I want for you? Something in my mind, body, and soul just clicked. It was for me an audible one: a soft click, no louder than a whisper. I stood up and smiled. I remembered the list. I put everything I wanted in a man, boyfriend turned husband, soul mate, help mete, boo thang....whatever you want to call it. And I thought because I left off a physical description or desired features, that made me deep. It didn't. What I should have done was make a list of my concerns, fears, hopes, what I loved and what I hated about being single; prayed over it, then put it in God's hands.

That man--the list made flesh--is not at all what I want. I sit here and wonder if he would be able to pray for me, or love God more than me, or cover and protect me. Would he be willing to spoil me? I don't know and I am no longer interested in finding out. Problems arise when we try to use or keep something past its expiration date. It's the same way with God. He allows things according to His time frame: some things are meant to last, while most are just seasonal. You wouldn't drink milk with an expiration date of Nov 12 on Christmas Eve. Do you know why? Because it would make you terribly sick.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build (Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 NLT)
Yet we do it all the time with relationships, jobs, ministry...hold on to what we know is past the prime. I knew---absolutely, positively, unequivocally KNEW---that list made flesh was intended to be something temporary. But I allowed myself to get in my own way. I held on past the expiration date and, yes, I got sick...in my heart and my spirit. But a God who loves me more than words can ever describe, allowed me to evolve because of it.

I didn't know how this was going to end when I started, but I thank God for the revelation. If you find yourself wondering why you're not feeling like yourself or if there are some "things-not-quite-right" situations in your life, check the expiration date. It may be time to throw some stuff away.

This Time Last Year...

This time last year ________________________; but today ____________________________.

Let's fill in the blanks shall we? I'll go first.

This time last year I was depressed, probably on the verge of losing it; but today I am content, conscious of God's plan for me, and happy. Looking back, I realize the root of my depression. I thought it was because of what was going on around me and what was happening to me; but the truth of the matter is my physical being was reacting to my spiritual state. I was disobeying God and I knew it.  My "this time last year" probably should not have happened. Had I moved when God said move months before, this time last year would probably sound a lot like today.

I've been thinking about some things, some decisions, actions that I have made and done in the past. God has reminded me of some opportunities that He had given me that I've turned my nose up at and ignored. I think about how I intentionally pushed someone away when I all I had to do was listen. 

I became so engulfed in "shoulda, coulda, woulda" that I began to feel like a failure. I had to instantly rebuke that mindset because where I am (bad decisions and all) is exactly where I am supposed to be. 

I cannot take back word that I have spoken. I cannot undo actions that I have committed. I cannot press a giant rewind button to go back and do things different. God, in his Awesomeness, could have made our lives that easy but what kind of state would we be in if we knew that we could undo or redo something after learning the repercussions. We would probably be a bunch of ungrateful brats unappreciative of our Father.

I know that God is not bringing these things to the forefront of my mind to make me feel like a failure or that I feel bad. I believe He is showing me these things so that when the next opportunity comes along, I will be able to see Him in it and act accordingly. I am preparing for whatever is about to come; and although I'm mindful of my past, I can't spend a great deal of time dwelling on it in my season of preparation. 

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong. By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back (Philippians 3:12-14 The Message Bible). 

I could have presented the familiar KJV of this passage but I love how The Message Bible words it. "I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back" - doesn't that sound exciting? Doesn't it sound like purpose?

I know that I have been posting a lot about purpose and plans but I cannot shake it. Perhaps this is more for me than for anyone. We must ask ourselves, "What can I do better today than I did yesterday? How am I getting ready today for what's coming tomorrow? I have to repent for this question because unfortunately, sometimes the answer is "nothing." But that's also a lesson worth learning.

This post is interactive. If you are reading this, I want you to comment--TESTIFY--about your this time last year and your today. What may seem like nothing to you can be just the word someone else is waiting to hear. I feel it in my heart and my spirit that someone is going to be encouraged by what you say.