Three Simple Words

Lately, I’ve been thinking about love. Not long ago, I came across a movie that—just so happens—was about love. In this movie a woman was so in love with a man that she made him the center of her life. Her love, in his eyes, became overbearing…too much to take. So, because her love for him was so strong, his love for her diminished and the relationship ended. Even after they broke up she relentlessly pursued him. Sadly, her tenacity for love ended her life. Even from beyond the grave she pursued him…so much so that in the end of the movie he ended up in a broken posture committed to an insane asylum. After watching this movie, I got to thinking. Is love really that complicated? Granted, we won’t be haunted by “real” ghosts, but sometimes things from our past relationships can haunt us to a point that they affect our present.

So I wonder, are there shades of gray when it comes to love? Is it possible to almost love, or kind of love someone? I’m sitting here thinking about my own experiences with love. I am finally resting in the peace of God’s agape love. At one point in my life, Satan almost tricked me into believing I was incapable, even unworthy of love. I almost fell for it, too, until one day I decided to love without thinking. I told myself—as cheesy as it sounds—even if it doesn’t work out at least I’ll be glad to know that I took a chance at love. The only reason I told myself this is I didn’t expect it to not work out. Much to my surprise (and horror) it failed miserably. However, after all the tears, sleepless nights, pity parties, anger; after going through every possible human emotion, I can look back and say that I’m glad for the experience.

These three simple words, “I love you,” are full of complexity; some people go their whole lives yearning to hear that phrase. Some take for granted the simple fact that they are loved.  We vow to say, “I love you” freely and every chance we get. But the truth of the matter is, the words mean nothing unless we put them into action. The man who abuses his wife always says “I love you” once the beating ends; the stepfather who violates his stepdaughter says, “I love you.”  The adulterer utters the words to his or her companion in one breath and to the spouse they pledged fidelity to in another. If Jesus had said, “I love you but I’m not willing to die for you. BUT, I do love you.” Where would we all be? Lost, that’s where. So if we are to be imitators of Christ, why is it so hard for us to love as He loves? The Bible tells us that “…faith without works is dead” (James 2:20). The same is true about love; it too is dead without works.

I learned an important lesson about love just a few days ago. There is an individual that I don’t particularly care for. I would always say, “I don’t like her but I love her with the love of God.” Truth be told, if I saw her stranded on the side of the road in the rain, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that I’d stop to help her. Yet I insisted I loved her with the love of God….hmmm.

Picture this: I’m sinking, dying in sin. I desperately need help. Jesus is within arm’s reach but just stands there. That’s not love. Jesus would reach out to me. I wasn’t reaching; I wasn’t even leaning in the woman’s direction. So I gave a friend of mine that line. My friend asked, “Why don’t you like her.” I gave the list of things that bothered me about this woman (all shallow and superficial of course). Out loud the list seemed quite absurd. Then she said, “Yeah; I remember how she was but that was before she was saved.” As hard as I tried, I could not hold on to my lame excuses. I didn’t love her with the love of Christ at all. This simple fact really bothered me. I thought about it for the rest of the night. What if people judged or based their opinions on the “me” before I was saved. I wasn’t being fair to this woman whom I didn’t like.  Then I got to thinking again…How is it that I can say, “I want to be married” but I haven’t figured out love yet? In all things we must strive for perfection. Of course we will never reach perfection, but nevertheless, we must strive.  So many times I’ve tried to justify myself; I’ve attempted to validate my un-Christ-like behavior. “Well, she doesn’t like me so why can’t I not like her” Other people are not our mirror; we cannot reciprocate someone’s actions, thoughts, or feelings towards us. God is our mirror. So what if she gives me a fake smile? It is my responsibility to return a genuine one.

I once heard someone say, “Fake it ’til you make it.” This does not mean we exhibit insincere actions, it means that we must adapt a new behavior; step out of our comfort zone until the unfamiliar becomes the norm. Our Christian walk requires growth and sometimes growth is uncomfortable. And believe me, this is something that is not easy for me. I do not look forward to this required task. But, I am willing. There is a song that has been in my spirit for a couple of weeks and a line says, “A heart that forgives is a heart that will live totally free from the pain of the past and a heart that lets go is a heart that will know so much freedom…”

We love to use the phrase, “Forgive and forget.” People tend to think that if you haven’t forgotten something, you’ve not fully forgiven. Here’s my take on the phrase: I have not completed blocked out what you have done to me. I still remember what you’ve done but I will not hold it against you. Sometime things can’t or won’t go back to the way they were; and that is okay. It doesn’t mean love has diminished or disappeared. I think it means the opposite: love has evolved. True it is more difficult to love someone who’s hurt you or doesn’t love you, maybe not even like you; but love them anyway.

There is so much freedom in loving without boundaries. When we get to this place in love, to love without thinking, or remembering, or worrying, then we have moved one step closer to mirroring God’s love.