She's Making a List and Checking It Twice

Have you ever had something on your mind that you wanted to say? You fantasized about when the moment presented itself because you knew that your words would be perfectly executed and sometimes you secretly practice out loud how you’re going to say it. The words, the inflections, the tone…lie in wait, like a lion ready to pounce. Finally it comes—someone says something that opens the door. It’s show time! You have at it and (in your mind) thunderous applause…

Answer me this: have you even been on the other end of that vocal spill?

Picture it, Memphis, last week, I was asked to be on a panel for single Christians—single being divorced, widowed, or never married. It was a wonderfully diverse collection of people and each had an interesting perspective on questions that people had submitted anonymously. A question was asked, “Is it wrong if you do not want to date someone who has children?” I, being the only person who had never been married and the only woman with no children, opted to answer the question: “There is nothing wrong with wanting to date and marry someone who doesn’t have children. I know the type of person I am, I would rather not share my mate/spouse with another woman.” Most women agreed and I thought it was a good answer. I wasn’t passing judgment nor did I feel that my desire was unreasonable. I have a list of things that I desire in a mate (none of which are set in stone) and this just so happens to be of those things.

Well, obviously, my sister in Christ—let’s call her Janika Doe--had rehearsed how she would respond to the “picky single woman.” Can’t you just hear her? (If you can’t I certainly can): I get tired of women…passing over good men for stupid reasons and here I am a good woman and I’m still single. God says this and the Bible says that... Sister Janika took the mic and let me have it. I didn’t catch all of what she was saying but I did hear – “You could be missing out on what God has for you by passing over a man with children…stop looking at a man’s feet and see what kind of integrity he has.”

It was at that moment that I felt that Madea spirit rise up in me: You..Don’t…Know…Me!! My flesh was saying, “Get her” yet my spirit was saying, “Be still” (darn that spirit…always trying to do the right thing). I closed my eyes, chin resting on my hands, opened my eyes. She’s still talking. I look at the wall behind her, then to the right at the exit sign above door. Still going. Finally the moderator took away the microphone. *sigh* I did it, I made it through.

Said all of that to say this—it had to be God’s perfect plan—Janika Doe's going off on me. Because my list had been on my mind on account of this man I had fallen in love with (and we never got past the great phone conversations). He had it all, well he had most of it: handsome, well employed, a homeowner, kept his word, loved his family, loved theater and traveling and art, graduated from an HBCU. All of these things are on my list. He was smart and funny, also on the list. But one thing he wasn’t—which is at the top of my list—he wasn’t fully committed to God. And I know that we are willing to compromise on most things, yet I found myself in a place where I questioned if I was willing to sacrifice this thing.  Now I know what you’re thinking, “All that, shoot, I’d be willing to work with a brother.” I don’t consider myself a “super Saint.” I try to be heavenly minded and earthly good. I wanted to work with him, yet that nagging feeling kept creeping in.

I wanted to overlook his religious view, yet when God revealed to me that until this man established a relationship with Him, the others relationships won’t succeed because this man will not be satisfied. He’s trying to fill this void with all the wrong things.

One thing about God—He’s always right. When I decided to stop taking the crumbs this man was tossing me (yeah turns out, he wasn’t that into me as my sister pointed out when she asked, “Yall ever been out on a date?”) I started moving. Hence this blog, and night after night of wonderful sleep…and my favorite: Peace about being single and confident that God can and will do exceedingly, abundantly above all we ask or think according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:20). We just need to stay connected to the power. A light bulb doesn’t work until it’s put in the socket..What’s in the socket? Power!

So break out your pen and paper. Write the vision! Don’t be embarrassed or doubtful. Believe! God has already shown me that he can meet my needs and He also showed me that He can go beyond that....Happy "wish listing"