No Limits

I was so inspired by Tuesday night's service here at my local church because there is something that I have been thinking about for the last month that requires a tremendous amount of faith and after that Rhema word, I'm ready to move.

First, let me back up a bit: On Sunday, I woke up with the song "No Limits" ringing in my head. If you aren't familiar with it, here are the simple yet profound lyrics:

No limits, no boundaries

I see increase all around me

Stretch forth, break forth

Release me/enlarge my territory

Take the limits off

The pastor at my home church preached about Lazarus (John 11). Actually, he preached about Mary and her measure of faith. She believed that Jesus could have healed a sick Lazarus; she believed that in death, Lazarus would live again in heaven for all of eternity. Yet, she didn't believe Jesus could raise Lazarus up who had been "good n' dead." My home church pastor also said there are three kinds of faith: limited, fundamental, and unlimited. Mary (in case you haven't figure it out) had limited faith. Then he admonished us to take the limits off of God and to pursue unlimited faith. God, afterall, can do anything but fail. OK, Lord, I'm listening...didn't you just tell me that this morning though that song stuck in my head?

Last Monday, I talked about how I got lost on the way home because I chose a different route (Just Wait it Out). Little did I know God was going to remind me of something that I abandoned over ten years ago. It has been my dream since college to become a professor, department chair, and/or dean and someday president of a college or university.

I cannot believe that I had forgotten that dream. God reminded me of the path that I had moved away from. As a matter of fact, now, I am remembering the favor that was given me to attend a university for a Master's degree specifically geared towards post secondary teaching. Had I stayed that course, I would be closer to my once forgotten, perhaps subconsciously dismissed dream. 

Now back to the present: last night my pastor talked about the children of Israel who were afraid to venture into the unknown when they were right on the verge...on the boundaries of the promised land.  However, they didn't have enough faith in themselves (which is bad enough by itself), but they didn't have enough faith in God. He challenged us on our level of faith. Are you willing look crazy...have you looked crazy for faith's sake? (So you know I'm jumping on the inside by this point; that's the title of last month's post).

It has been weighing tremendously on me to go back to school, get my PhD, and move in this direction that I believe God is leading me. I have no idea how I am going to pay for this, I don't know if I'll be able to get a job once I receive the degree. Can I admit that I'm scared? I like having a plan, that's my comfort zone. Yet God, especially this year, has been pushing me ever so gently out of my comfort zone. Who knew this was something He was preparing me for? Last year, I would have talked myself out of this but now... Well, now I am about to study for the GRE just in case I need to take it. Now I am going to respond to this email about an online class geared towards teaching adults. Now I am going to use any extra funds I get (no matter how small) to save for the cost of entry exams, transcript requests, and application fees.

Even though the fig trees have no blossom, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields are barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!  Habakkuk 3:17-18 NLT

I do not have a clue as to how this is going to happen. But I am so overwhelmed by the belief that this is God's plan, that I just can't ignore it. Habakkuk creates a list of everything going wrong in his life then he ends it with hope. I don't know what this future of mine holds, I don't know where the money is coming from, but I know that I will rejoice in the Lord. I will believe in God. I will believe in me. Then I will hope and see what the end is going to be.

Just Wait it Out

A funny thing happened on the way home from work the other day: I got lost! Well, not so much funny as more like an out of body experience. Picture it: the interstate, Wednesday.... I was driving along when all of a sudden, the traffic came to a standstill (which in Memphis is not unusual). There is an accident, lanes are blocked. Normally, when there is an accident on the interstate, I trudge along and wait it out. Yet on this particular day, I just did not feel like it. So I got off on the upcoming exit and the plan was to avoid one major street to get to another. I had done it before so I knew it would save me some time. After driving for a while I thought to myself, "I should be there by now." Then things started looking unfamiliar. So me being the gets lost but doesn't panic/let's just see where this goes type of person that I am, kept driving. I figured eventually something would look familiar and I could get my bearings and make it home. Well thirty minutes later, I was still driving. Nothing looked familiar, I felt like I was in a different city. Hindsight, I remembered that there was a side street that I was supposed to turn on, it's name flashed across my mind. And wouldn't you know it? I ended up back where I started--the street  where I exited the interstate.

Isn't that how it is in our relationship with God? He gives us a set path to take. However, we will encounter something that may delay the journey, but the path is the correct one; and it will get us to where we're supposed to go. When we move away from where God directs us, not only do we prolong the arrival at our destination, but we have to return to our starting point. What looks like the easy way is not always the case. I knew God was teaching me something during my fantastic voyage across the city. He is telling me to stay put. He is telling me simply because the trip is taking longer than I expected, it does not mean that I won't get there. He is telling me to forget about my timeline and deadlines and anticipate my due season.

Earlier in the week while doing nothing in particular, I saw myself walking at what appeared to be the Grand Canyon. I was studying a map and not paying attention to where I was walking and soon I found myself right at the edge, dangerously close to falling over. I didn't really understand it until I was driving aimlessly around hoping something would get me back on track. 

Then it hit me: we must pay attention at the beginning, middle, and end of the journey. Getting caught up in the end result is the same as getting lost in the process. We will be tempted to get off the path to take our self made "short cuts." We will become distracted, impatient, discouraged. But the real test is how we handle it all. Don't let my physical experience become your Spiritual experience.

Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established (Proverbs 4:26 NKJV).

In other words, think about where you are going. Now allow God to make the way for you. It's the only way to arrive when and how you're supposed to.

Let's wait it out. Together. Let's run on, walk, skip, even crawl...to see what the end will be. It may take us a while, and we will encounter some problems along the way but the end result will be worth it.

Crazy? Faith!

We've heard it; we've quoted it; some of us live it and others doubt it. It is the faith scripture. You know the one I'm talking about: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen - Hebrews 11:1. I didn't even have to look it up, I know it by heart.

I will admit that my faith has been tested during my Christian walk and I'm going to be honest and admit that more times than not, I have failed. But this year...this year of my great growth...I decided to have a no-matter-what mind frame. In March, I asked God to help me depend totally and completely on Him. Now that I sit and take a minute to think, I realize that this year has been one big walk of faith. God prompted me to move out of my place of comfort (and complaceny) to go somewhere that was foreign to me. I was apprehensive, I was afraid, I felt like Abram when God told him to leave his native country (Genesis 12).

Let me paint a picture for you:
God: Go to that church
Me: pretends not to hear
God: It's time for you to leave this place. Go and join that church.
Me: (says to self) That's not God speaking, that's me feeling tired and overwhelmed. I'm burned out on church work. I think I'm going to remove myself from all of these ministries and just sit down next year.
God chastened, I cried. God said, "Move."

So I moved and from that time to this I have been nothing but blessed. I knew that God's decision was the best one for me but my mind, my flesh,  that Miller part of me resisted. I told God, I promised Him that I would trust Him. That's not to say I've been perfect in this. I have, again, faltered but I get up and always try again.

One of my greatest challenges of faith deals with my finances. Every month I create a budget for each pay period. My end of month check is the smallest and it's when the majority of my bills are due. Normally, I reserve funds from the middle of the month check to cover the lack for the end of the month. Well, this time around, because I was expecting some extra income for a project I was doing for a friend, I didn't follow my normal mode of behavior. And wouldn't you know it? I was a tank of gas short and I honestly didn't know where it would come from with $1.52 in my bank account. The day that gas light came on I looked at it and said, "Lord, I don't know how I'm going get this gas. But I'm going to believe You for it."

My sister is a firm believer of asking our parents for financial help. She thinks that I'm crazy when I don't have enough and I don't go to them for help. She asked, "Why didn't you ask Mama?" When I couldn't come up with an answer she shook her head in disdain. But I had an answer, I just didn't know how to articulate it...until now.

It's easy for me to go to my parents for help because I know that they will help me. This is nothing new to me; in the past I have hoped in God, believed Him for impossible things only to get fearful and go to my mother for financial help or dismiss something that to me seemed too far fetched. Where is the faith in that? What glory does God get in me taking the "sensible" way?

I guess if you really think about it, faith does look crazy. Abraham taking Issac up to the sacrifice without a sacrifice looked crazy. The woman with the issue of blood, walking bent over looked crazy. Mary, pregnant when she had never been touched by a man, looked crazy. Me, driving with no money and no gas, looked crazy. When we get to that point, we can start looking for God. I'm getting excited just thinking about how wonderful this God of mine is!. And do you know what God did, He used my sister, the one who thinks I am all the way off my rocker to give me what I needed.

Sunday's service confirmed it for me. August is our soul winning month and second Sunday was designated as a healing service. I was expecting the pastor to call those who were sick to come to the altar so that they could receive their healing. But it was nothing like that at all. It was a celebration of faith. God is about to move for those who have believed him for little things, who have worn the label "crazy" for faith's sake, who have held on despite how it seemed and looked and felt. 

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. (Psalm 37:5 NLT) That's it. Faith in a nutshell. Replace "everything you do" with something and wait. Here's mine: Commit [figuring out how to put gas in my car] to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. 

Am I crazy? Nah. I just have crazy faith.

It's Time to Move

I currently have four unfinished, unpublished posts, and an unfinished novel (insert sad face here). This post is a challenge for me because I don't really have anything specific in mind. I am frustrated because I can't write. Lord where are the words? I listen but can only hear my own thoughts. I remember thinking last week that I'm in an unusual season; not necessarily a bad or difficult season but it's different than any season I've been in. Could it be that I am moving forward? Have I gotten myself together long enough for God to allow some things to manifest? Maybe.... While I've been obsessing over trying to find a name for this season three things have happened:

• A missionary at Tuesday night service named the unnamed season for me
• I had a very specific dream about some very specific things (I promise that I'll share when they come to pass).
• I'm having my 4 am wake up calls again.

The missionary preached last week about a season of preparation. That's when I realized that I haven't written anything or completed any posts during my unnamed season. I'll call it the calm before the storm of creativity. My dream was in line with this season of preparation and I woke up with the feeling that something really, really great is waiting for me on the other side. I became a little apprehensive which prompted the 4 am wake up calls. This is when I really get to talk with God. I know he's omnipresent but I like to think of 4 a.m. as ours: just me & my God having a heart to heart. I admit I'm afraid, He tells me it's okay.

I realize, as I write, that maybe I am afraid of good things happening to me. I will admit that I am my own worst enemy. I told God that I don't feel worthy of whatever it is that's about to happen. But you know something? My worth isn't determined by all of the things I've counted. Lord just let me lose about 15 pounds, and I have a plan for this debt, let me pay a little bit of that off; give me time to find another job, then I'll be ready... Well it does sound ridiculous now that I actually see the words.

But God just shared with me: it's your heart. Your heart is growing.

It's one thing to have faith and believe God when you think something is way down the road. I never would have imagined that it would take more faith to receive that same something when it is in your neighborhood, on your street, walking up your driveway.

I don't know your season. I don't know your measure of faith. I don't know the size of your heart. But God does. Let's take the leap of faith together and watch Him move.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 (KJV)

I Finally Found the One

I remember the first time I met him. I was young and foolish; footloose and fancy-free. I didn't know much but I thought I knew enough about me to know he wasn't the one--especially the one for me. I wanted someone adventurous and fun.  I wanted excitement. I felt that he was all wrong for me so I pretended not to notice him. But he, always the gentlemen, wasn't the least bit offended. And although I could see his disappointment, he didn't press the issue. He simply said, "I'm here if you ever need me."

I was happy for a while. But after some time I started to feel it wasn't quite enough. I realized that something was missing and my craving for excitement and adventure had waned. I needed more so I moved on and began exploring other options. And wouldn't you know it? There he was again...and again I wasn't interested. I thought, I know what I need--an intellectual, someone who will make me think. I need someone to challenge me. It took some time but I found what I was looking for. I thought that this relationship was just what the doctor ordered. My vocabulary grew, my mind was stimulated but still...something else was missing. Soon I grew bored. What is it? I could sense him and tried my best to ignore his gentle whisper, "I am here if you need me."

No not him. He's not the one. I know what I need: someone who can take care of me. I need someone who can give me anything money can buy. So that's what I went after. I was caught up in the astonishment of wealth until I realized that it didn't buy time, devotion, or attention. It certainly didn't buy love. The material things were not enough. I moved on one last time. This time I knew what was missing. Would he still want me? I wondered. I've rejected him so many times and caused him so much hurt. How can I face him? I was scared and ashamed, but I knew I had to find him.

I desperately looked for him; hoping to find him where we first met. There he was--waiting--knowing this moment would come. So with head bowed, shoulders slumped, and voice trembling I said, "I am here and I need You." I knew that all the things I tried to find in others were in God all along.

With Him I am adventerous and care free:
Give your entire attention to what [I am] doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. [I will] help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes (Matthew 6:34 The Message Bible).

He makes me think:
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, no the ugly; the things to praise, not things to curse (Phillipians 4:8 The Message Bible)

He makes me feel prosperous:
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus (Phillipians 4:19 NLT).

He is the One. The One who makes me feel excited, smart, cared for...He makes me feel loved.

Yesterday...Today...Forever

This morning before I left the house I  prayed and anointed my ears (to guard what I hear), my temples (to guide my thoughts), my lips (to bridle my tongue), my hands (to direct my action), my feet (to order my steps) and my heart (to exemplify God's love). During my commute I started singing "A Praying Spirit" by The Clark Sisters. Actually I started singing the line "Lord, when I pray give me what to say" mainly because it is the only line I remember. While I can't remember the words of the song, I remember the message: we should want what God wants for us. Unfortunately, about halfway through my drive, I encounter an extremely slow driver which frustrated me so much that my heartbeat increased. I took a few deep breaths...after all, I had just sang about being more like God. As I neared street where my job is, it began to rain. I screamed. Where did this rain come from?! The clouds and overcast sky went over my head this morning. But, because God is so loving and so kind and gives us countless opportunities to keep our word, the rain stopped by the time I parked my car.

I arrive at work, get settled and  I become engrossed in a conversation after asking a question that I realized too late I didn't really want to hear the answer to. By mid morning, I knew that I needed something to get me back on track. I inserted my earphone and listened to my audio Bible. After absorbing a few books I switched to music and pulled "A Song of Consecration" by Ron Winans. I smiled, listening to the words, because I remember finally getting to that place of total, willful surrender...and it wasn't too long ago.

The last six months have been a learning experience. I have let go of things that I never thought I was strong enough to release. I have learned to choose my battles, increase my faith, walk in my anointing, and take things as they come. I still have moments of weakness. I mess up and sometimes fall short. But I visualize that place where I "denied myself and put my hand in [His]." I now stand still, amazed at how far I've travelled and excited about what's waiting for me down the road. I am at the place where my past is where it belongs: behind me. My present is being dealt with on a day to day basis, and my future--my BRIGHT future--is waiting for me.

I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death; blessing and cursings; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV).

We all have a past. Let us learn what is to be learned from it.
We all have a present. Let us consider it a gift.
We all have the hope of a future. Let us entrust it to God.

Love Without Limits

Today, I wondered if--by being transparent and sharing with the teeny, tiny portion of the world who reads my blog--am I offending anyone. Many of my post have stemmed from a single struggle that I once had - a fear of being alone for the rest of my life and allowing the spirit of loneliness to consume and destroy me.  When I finally admitted to myself that my singleness would be well kept in God's mighty hands and let go, weird things started to happen. Somewhere between trying not to offend and trying to get people to see my experiences and to write in such a way that they see and hear God, a bit of a struggle ensued. Instead of trying to get someone (who forced me to confront the aforementioned feelings I was so afraid of exposing) see how much help they'd been, he saw it as a violation of trust. It was like a slap in the face. 

Lord what am I doing wrong? Why is it so hard for people to let go of what I used to be and see me for who I'm trying to be?

I realized that I love this person who I had so offended. I knew that something about me has changed. The old me would fall in love and panic after realizing the suitor didn't reciprocate my feelings. I would alter myself to be someone worthy of his love. When that didn't work and the love remained, I pushed it deep down inside of me, hoping that lack of exposure would cause it to die. Instead, it took root inside of me and I became good at shutting people out as a result. But not this time.

Now, after that terrible thing has been uprooted in me (thanks to a wonderful, spirit filled Tuesday night service in the not too distant past), I can say this: I can love and expect nothing in return. This love, once foreign to me,  allows me to pray for the person, to see what's right and what's wrong and not judge or condemn; but to simply keep loving. Instead of taking this rejected love and seeing it as a bad thing, I have embraced it and I LOVE it.

Smiling and going about my usual evening routine I had a revelation: I had just reached a new level. After a ten second praise break I had the overwhelming need to share. I am beginning to understand God's love for me and it brought tears to my eyes. He has loved me from the beginning. When I was rank with the stink of sin He loved me. When I professed to love Him but my actions proved otherwise, He still loved me.

My understanding, acceptance, and dependence (for real this time) on God's love allows me to see others with so much more compassion than I once did. I cannot help but love. It is being woven into the fiber of my being. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16 NLT).


Love God, love yourself, love others...