White Flag

Early one morning during prayer time, I was seeking guidance about a particular thing that had been weighing pretty heavy on me for about five months. After I was done praying I turned on the radio and, not wanting to choose between the lackluster radio station options, I switched to my CD player unsure of what was in the current rotation. Now I know that some people are super sanctimonious and would probably disagree but I sincerely believe that God spoke to me through a secular song. A line from this song says, "I'm waving my white flag, said I'm taking my life back." It is about a woman who has given up on trying love someone, she's not equipped to do so. The song made me think about the difference between surrendering and giving up. Giving up means that you have not utilized, activated, or exercised the measure of faith God has given. To surrender mean the opposite.

I had given up on the promise that I wanted the most from God and started to devise a plan B (B in this case stood for "BIG mistake). God said, Daughter, you know I'm not happy about that decision! You know what Lord...neither am I. Not to say that I was not pleased with God; I wasn't pleased with me. I found myself again at the Master's feet, contrite and repentant. I had become exhausted from getting in my own way so I made a conscious decision to give up. Yet God, speaking ever so lovingly and gently asked me to hold on, to surrender all my feelings and disappointments, my expectations to Him. It has taken me a ridiculously long time to fully understand that my faith is my own. Our faith is like our fingerprints--no two peoples' are the same. We may be believing for the some of the same things yet we are not believing in the same way.

When we give up on a word or promise God has spoken to us, we are telling Him, "I don't believe You, God." God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through? (Numbers 23:19 NLT).  2008  was the year I received my promise.  From that time to this, I have let go (as in given up) only to grab hold and let go (as in surrender), only to grab hold again. It was vicious cycle of doubt and belief; one that I was tired of. I know that the biggest thing keeping me from receiving my promise is me. But instead of changing my mind to align itself with God's will, I found myself trying to change things outside my control.

 If I start worrying about what might or might not happen tomorrow or question why something things didn't happen yesterday, I'll start doubting today. And the most that we can do is live for today; if it's full of doubt, that makes for a pretty unproductive day. I just read a church marquee that said, "We cannot alter our past but we can alter our future." What we do, how we believe today will definitely affect our tomorrow. What we surrender today will make us that much more lighter tomorrow.

 He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God (Romans 4:20 KJV). I love this scripture. When I think about staggering, I think about someone who isn't walking a straight line; one who veers off the path in front of him. I think about someone not following the directions she was given. I think about the "stagger not" part of this scripture. It means that the waiting was not easy; that there was something involved in the process where staggering was an option. Yet he (Abraham) didn't. I'm sure that when that ole stagger spirit came up, that's when he started giving glory. I can just hear the Enemy "You're not getting that son. You and your wife are old. I don't know why you even bother." Then I can hear Abraham "Thank You Jesus! Bless your Name; God you're worthy! Hallelujah!!"

I am encouraging you as I encourage myself: God has not forgotten what He promised. He will not release anything unless we release control, our wills, our existence to Him.